On Fairness, Free Will, and the Limits of the Seven Iron
Let’s talk about the morality of the Kicking Wedge.
Now, if you’re a snowman-ish golfer like me and you’re not paired up with that dude who’s on his phone by the fifth hole, pulling up the USGA rulebook to explain that you should have dropped from below your knee or some stupid shit like that, then you already understand the spirit of this conversation.
True story. Different post.
The Kicking Wedge isn’t about cheating. It’s about cosmic guidance. Cosmic fairness, if you will.
Because golf isn’t played in a laboratory. It’s played on public land that geese control and maintenance crews only visit occasionally.
The Kicking Wedge must be used sparingly. And never, never, when money’s on the line. That’s a hard rule.
But the Kicking Wedge isn’t about gaining an advantage. It’s about making your day go a little better. It’s about not breaking your clubs, not breaking your face, and not hurting yourself doing something heroic and stupid.
If you hit one a little right and end up on a tree root, and you don’t feel like snapping your favorite seven iron in half, which let’s be honest is the only club I can hit with any consistency, that’s a Kicking Wedge moment.
If you somehow pipe one straight down the middle of the fairway, only to land in a divot some asshole didn’t bother filling before wandering off to ruin someone else’s round, that’s a Kicking Wedge moment.
If you’re in a ridiculous lie that guarantees you’re about to top the ball and send it fifteen yards backwards again, that’s not strategy. That’s punishment. And punishment without a lesson is just cruelty.
That’s where the Kicking Wedge comes into being.
Now let’s be clear about when not to use it.
You don’t use the Kicking Wedge when money’s on the line. You don’t use it when you’re trying to gain an advantage. And you definitely don’t use it when you’re moving your ball out of the woods back into the fairway like you’re lining up a field goal and suddenly think you’re Tom Dempsey with half a foot and 60 + Yards to go!
That’s not morality. That’s how fights start on the tenth tee.
The Kicking Wedge is not a weapon. It’s a mercy rule.
Keep the club in your pants. Mostly.
Unless you need a little karmic correction and you’re just trying not to fall two holes behind and start questioning all your life choices.
Because the moment you start abusing the Kicking Wedge is the moment the golf gods send a goose to knock your ball into the water and remind you who’s really in charge.
And they are always watching.
The scorecard forgets. Your wrists don’t.